How to Fix a Broken Relationship with Keith and Jesse Yackey

Is your relationship falling apart and you don’t know why? In this episode, I sit down with Keith Yackey and Jesse Joy, hosts of the Married Game Podcast to break down what really causes disconnection, resentment, and loss of desire in modern relationships. Keith shares how his marriage hit a breaking point and the moment he realized he was the common denominator. We also talk about the habits that destroy attraction and how to rebuild it through consistent action. Tune in to learn what it actually takes to rebuild a relationship that lasts.

HIGHLIGHTS

00:00 Why attraction fades even in strong relationships.

06:45 Are you unknowingly pushing your partner away?

12:15 Why doing things for your partner can backfire.

18:00 What Keith’s journey teaches you about relationships.

23:00 Why success in business doesn’t guarantee a strong marriage.

27:00 Why high-performing men struggle in relationships.

32:45 Can a relationship recover after cheating?

35:00 Why trust is built or broken in small moments.

39:30 The #1 reason she stops respecting you.

44:00 Why men lie to themselves and how it destroys connection.

48:00 The habits that kill attraction.

52:00 What does it take to become desirable again?

56:00 Why happy women don’t leave a relationship.

RESOURCES + LINKS

Listen to the Married Game Podcast HERE!

Check out upcoming retreats + more: chrissymay.com

Watch & Subscribe on YouTube!

FOLLOW

Chrissy May: @thechrissymay

Keith Yackey: @keithyackey

Jesse Yackey: @jessejoy1111

Transcript

The Provocative Marriage Premise

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Happy women don't leave. 95% of all marriage problems are because of the man. And once he has rectified those 95% and he realizes, oh, actually it is her problem, then it is a hundred percent his fault if he stays in that relationship. My wife's a D minus wife. Cool, that's probably putting you in a D minus husband. Why don't you become the A plus version of you? And let's give her some time to reflect that back. If you want a hot, horny, healthy, sexy, lust-filled, desire-filled marriage, it is on you to create the container for that so your wife can step into and go, This is a much better world than the one I've created myself. I would love to be in here with you. That's the reality.

Meet The Married Game Duo

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Welcome to Aligned and Alive. Okay, so last night, Shiv Superclub in Scottsdale, a table full of some of the most magnificent humans ever. Great food, great drinks, and incredible conversation. And I kept thinking last night, we finally get to do this. And I say finally because this literally has been three years plus in the making. And trying to coordinate schedules and life and all the things that kept coming up. But you know, divine timing, it always comes together when it's supposed to come together. And so we only have a short period of time today, but I'm gonna dive right in before they actually have to jet back to Kelly. So, host of Mary Game Podcast, the show dedicated to helping you become the most attractive, most magnetic, most fully alive version of yourself. So you can sink back into all the spiciness that partnership has to offer. And by the way, if your relationship is going south, these are the two you call right away. Now, this man went from construction to ex pastor to flipping over 700 homes and raising 50 million dollars to comedy stages, which we'll get into that. To his wife looking him dead in the eyes and saying, My life would be better without you. And that is no joke. And instead of crumbling, he changed and built an entire empire around that moment. Together, they are the most raw, real, and flat out compelling voices in the relationship and marriage space. No fluff, just facts. Please welcome Keith Yacke and Jesse Joy. Ah, thank you. And the crowd.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

That was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I receive all of that. Oh my god. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

When you put it that way. Yeah, seriously.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Dude, I'm tuning in. What are these guys gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Amazing. It's really cool. We have something for you. Oh my gosh. I get gifts right out the gate.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

You two are so amazing. It's our monthly comic book of the first two issues. And basically, uh

The Comic Book That Teaches Men

SPEAKER_00 3:00

men somehow don't quite understand how this all works, so we've got picture books for them.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

You made it so simple. Okay. I love this the most because you're you can't what do they say? Keep it simple, stupid, pretty much. Is this how this came about?

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Pretty much, yeah. The provocateur. It's basically 18 pages, 100 words or less, showing you exactly hey, and you know what the coolest thing about it is? Have you ever opened a comic book before?

SPEAKER_01 3:28

When I was like six.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, so hopefully you feel the same.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

I never have. Oh, you haven't? This is so cool. We want to see how I opened my brother's because you know he was how's that feel? Oh my gosh, this does feel so ancient.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Yeah, yeah. Bringing it back retro, it's classic. Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Nicely done. Yeah, and it's it is so simple. Like you, it's like talking to a child. Yeah. Do you not understand the rules of engagement if you want a successful marriage?

SPEAKER_00 3:59

And the kids. Oh my God, this is so great. It explains what's going on in the woman's head at the moment, and most men don't know how women think. So we're able to portray to what she's actually thinking. And the other thing was we wanted to give guys word track. So, like if a guy asks his wife for sex, hey, do you want to have sex tonight? And she says no, most men become pouty little bitches. And they're like, huh, I want. And then, and then obviously that's a big lady boner killer for the wife. She's like, Oh, now I want you, like not, right? So, what happened, we realized they didn't have any word track because if she says no, he's thinking, Well, when am I ever gonna get it? And that that creates the psychology in his mind that just like, ah. So the word track is if she says no, the simple word track is no problem. When's a better time for you? To which she can go, how about in the morning? And he's like, Cool, morning sex it is. And he it releases all that crazy loop.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

Right. Or maybe she would say, How about now? Because now it's like because of the way you acted.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Yes, you know what? I do want to give it to you.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Yeah, I do love you. I do want to show up for you.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

These are those little things that guys don't know, and it holds them in massive prisons. Why won't my wife have sex with me? Well, you ask her at 12 o'clock at night after you've watched three hours of TV and her hair is in a curler, she has her face mask on, and she's not feeling real sexy. Thank you. So, hey, let's think upstream. Yo, what if you told her in the morning, hey, you know what? I'm probably gonna feel a little horny tonight. How about you? And she'd be like, you know what, that's a good idea. Maybe we watch one less show and I don't get into my fuzzy slippers just yet. And it's so simple. So sometimes, a lot of times, what we deal with is uh men don't feel like their wives attracted to them. And yes, we wanted to be attracted to us, yes, we wanted to desire us, yes, we wanted to comply to our desires the same way any human would. But most of the time, rejection comes from simple logistics. Hey, dude, you're waiting until the end of the night when she's not feeling it. Have you ever stopped to ask, hey, when are you most horny, wife? I can tell you exactly when Jesse's most horny. She's she likes nooners.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

I'm a nooner. She's a nooner, she's like, bring it home to me and the. Energy zone.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

But it's like if you're full of steak, you're like, You hungry? Like, no. Right. So it's these simple breakdowns that we try and portray in this book to where a guy goes, and we've had over 200 guys I've literally watched, I've literally given that to women and men and said, I'm gonna stare at you watching it because I want to see their facial reactions and the punchlines, everybody laughs out. Most guys are like, dude, this is me. And then every girl that reads it's like, mm-hmm. I wish I could hand this to my boyfriend husband or brother, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 6:50

And you can.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

And you can.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

This one you can. Oh, and your Porsche's in this cool. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

I love it. I'm waiting for the jujitsu one to come back.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

That's episode four. Exactly. This is so good. What inspired this? Like, what take me down that thought

Simple Word Tracks For Desire

SPEAKER_01 7:05

process because this is so genius because it is so simple. It's exactly.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

So you and I connected about three years ago, but mainly two years ago, when we went through kind of our journey with whether it was psychedelics, spirituality, this type of stuff. And so a year ago, I am out in Fort Lauderdale dancing with some friends. We're out on the actual Fort Lauderdale thing, and we get out of the craziness and we're sitting right by the water and we're talking for an hour and just about life, about love, about all these other things. And I get back to my hotel at 1:30 and I get this download that says, listen to Wayne Dyer. All right, so I put I go on Audible and I find, you know, Wayne Dyer's greatest hits, right? And I and and I'm I'm also on some supplements, and I click in from two hours, 1.30 to 3:30, and he's talking about self-forgiveness. And he's talking about love of yourself, and I just start bawling, and I'm like, I need to know more about what this is. And then almost like a flash of a lightning, it says, write a book teaching men every single month. A book, like a book book. And as I kept sitting with it, it was like a comic book. And I was like, never written one of those. Barely read them as a kid, but what a clever idea. And we went right to work a year later. It's now live, launched, and April 1st, as episode one gets delivered into people. We have this we have this black folder that says confidential, top secret, provocateur. That's all it gets delivered.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

It's so critical.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

If you notice what's hanging off the edge of the word, the bat signal is a panties.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Oh, panties. It's so detailed, actually. That is so good.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

There's so many Easter eggs in there because I know my friends are reading it. And so I'm like putting little things when the guy says gabouge, the whole reason I didn't use kaboom or kabam or bam or kabah, you know, whatever like Batman use was because I've been wrestling my daughter forever, and every time I hold my daughter, I'll like pretend punching her, I go gabooe, gabouge. And then when, you know, she's tiny, hitting me back, she'd like gabooe. So she just read it for the first time a month ago. I said, Hey, I don't know if you know I make comic books. She goes, Oh, you know, she's a she's a left. It's like, I don't know. Is it K? Is it K Bob dancing? Is it probably dumb, you know? And she reads and she gets to the gaboos part and she dies, gabouge. Like, I go, I wrote that in there just for that one moment for you to read it, for you to go, he's using our word.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

That is so special.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

So this is this has become our deepest commitment because I know that that message, if a guy sees it, he can't unsee it.

Ownership And The Holy Trinity

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Well, let's talk about the holy trinity of married game here.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

So, one, I am the problem, I am the solution.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Heck yes. I mean, it's so it's so simple. When you can take full ownership for all the things like we were talking about last night, too, like owning your side of the street. It's it makes it so much more freeing when you can just see it from that lens as opposed to blaming, which is everybody wants to do.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Yeah, imagine a wife hearing like he's when he says, I'm so sorry, this is all because of me. You're like, I'll let go any resentment. I love you, and let's move on.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

I think get to the piece as quick as possible.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Well, I think that's true. Masculinity. Masculinity is I'm good. Masculinity is, well, the results suck and the fruits shit. Maybe I'm not good. Maybe if I don't like the result, what should I look upstream at who's well, who's responsible? And I'm looking around and it's like, I'm the only one responsible. It's like, well, I guess that's on me. That I'm the problem, I'm the solution. Literally came. She left me in our kitchen. She's like, basically, hey, you you run your business, you come home and talk about your business, you fall asleep on the couch, I'm out of here. So we moved into our dream home. She packed up her shit with Jess Jovi and moved to a different place. So not in this big ass house alone, realizing your second divorce. Second divorce, and I'm going. Who's the common denominator? I'm the one. This is me. And then that was really the it was like it didn't happen simultaneously, but the I realized I was the problem, did. And then probably within a couple of days, I was like, well, if I'm the problem, didn't I create all this? I must be the solution. And that's when I was like, I gotta get to work on me. And this became the back boy. That's why we call it the Holy Trinity.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

No, I love that. And so that kind of really goes into step two, the way you're speaking on that is become the most attractive version of me for me. I love that. As to what we were speaking last night about validation, right? So so many people want to become this great version so they can get validated from somebody else. And the real secret, in my opinion, is do it for you. Yeah. Like become the best version for you. Throw all that amazing love into yourself and you will attract such, right?

SPEAKER_03 12:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

Well, if you're not doing it for yourself, then the husband's like, I'm doing this for you, and still gets thrown in her face. Yeah. Nobody wants that feeling. So when you say, I do it for me, and the wife looks at him and is like, Oh, that is hot. Like, that's amazing. You're taking accountability, you're doing it for you, you're living your life. Like, I want to follow that kind of life. Next level leadership. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Well, think about it. Okay, think about this. Uh if I uh got you a gift that you did not want at all, and you're like, I got this for you, and you're like, okay, I'm like, you like it. You're like, well, dude, because I don't play with G.I. Joes. How about that? All right. That seems to be the thing where a guy goes, I'm doing this for you, and she's like, Don't. And so we help a lot of ex guys get their exes back. Uh, we have a saying that if you want to get the ex back or the sex back, you got to get your backbone and your ball sack back, which basically means you got to become the you that she fell in love with, man. But most what happens is she falls in love with a guy, she meets him in his raw, attractive energy, and then he starts to slowly go, Well, I want to make her happy. And so if he wears an outfit that she goes, What's that? Oh, does that not make you happy? His genuine light, he changes. Have you ever heard that story about the guy? He he he walks out in his tie, he gets ready, he walks on his tie, and his wife goes, Not that tie. The other tie. And he goes, Oh, okay, not caring which tie he wears, goes and puts the other tie on. Next day, walks out with a tie and she goes, Oh, no, no, not that tie, the other tie. And he goes, Oh, okay, he puts another tie on. Day three, he walks out with two ties. Which tie do you think I should wear? So within three days, he the smallest already. Smallest thing, he's go, hey, you decide for me. And now she goes, I'm literally deciding who this guy is. That means he's not doing anything for him. He's now wearing masks to please me. And as you women know, you hate it. When if a guy's like, I'm trying to do this for you, you're like, Don't. I want to be with a guy who is that and will not change from that. Am I right? 100% right.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

I think it's so sexy when a man can one lead himself and lead his woman, his family, all the things there's and lead others. Yes. Oh, even more so. Like you just watch him from afar, you're like, God dang, there's something that's so magnetic about that energy. And he doesn't have to be the sexiest looking guy in the entire world. That energy alone is so beautiful and hot, I think.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

So do I. Yeah. Well, it he because he knows himself.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Right. And that's the we call it polarity. We it's the polarity. If the guy goes, This is who I am. A lot of you are not like it. Some of you will like it. Others of you will think it's the best thing you've ever met or seen. And and and just being comfortable with all of that. Totally all of it. So that's how we live our life.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

That's why we're so like such an open book. It's like, I don't know, then we'll wean out the people who don't like us. So that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Oh, it's the it's a gift.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

When you really think of it. Like, I'm at that place in my life too, where it's like, I don't, I'm not here for you to like me. Yes. I'm here to live in my calling and my truth and all the things that I like. Get out of my way then. If anything, they give you it's a gift because now you can align yourself with those that are for you, and that you can come together and collaborate and do this thing already. Yeah. Like you've already started building with your amazing community. I we'll get into that in a second. I want to hit this last one. So, number three, her response does not dictate my standard. Her response dictates how long I will put up with her living below my standard.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Whew. Mic drop. Where's Bradley? We need some dropping bombs right now.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Yeah. Yeah. I think that goes for man or woman. Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Well, all of them, obviously. But can I talk about men leading and women submitting for just a second?

Leadership As Invitation Not Control

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yes. Because this seems to be a big thing in American culture, especially because there's so many people that go to church and follow that thing. And a lot of men, when they're frustrated, if their wife doesn't like them, it doesn't initiate sex, it doesn't really, you know, look at them the way most like you want your wife to look at you, and they're like, you need to submit. Why aren't you submitting? I'm the leader, because that's kind of what's taught. And I for me, I have a very different view about that. It's not like men's supposed to lead, women, you're supposed to. This is traditional, this is how it is. A lot of bullshit has been passed on for this is the way it is. But they look the same. So here's the deal: Jesse would consider me uh a leader of sorts in so many areas, but it's not because he's my leader, because they told me he should be. Here's how why I'm the leader. Hey, Jesse, I'm going over there. Oh my God, I want to go there too. I'm gonna make it the funnest experience ever. I like having fun. And you're gonna be radically loved and seen while we're going there if you want to go on this journey. We call it the invitation, no obligation mentality. So it's like, Jesse's following Keith. You would too if you were invited to go where they're going. That's the difference between what it means to lead and follow, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

I love that. I feel like, and I'm sure you relate to this, that the modern church now, modern Christianity, has skewed so many things, you know. And that's why I've always like I'm a believer, but I'm also not a I feel like it's talking down, you know, like it's almost, it's I I don't subscribe to modern day Christianity. And some of the churches even are just you go in, you go in for well a lot more, right? Let's be honest here. Like I was having this conversation with a girlfriend the other day. I love worshiping because it just feels good. I feel the Holy Spirit moving through me. I feel good in worship. And then you get spoken to like you're gonna go to hell if you don't do this. This is the next law if you don't do this. And you start feeling like you diminished, you know, over and over and over, kind of like the Thai situation, which you know, you're like, okay, well, like what am I supposed to do now? And it's like, I thought I came here to be, you know, like lifted. Yeah. And so that's where I'm seeing a lot of disconnect, at least in my opinion, yeah. Um, with the churches and I used to be a pastor, you know. Well, that's why kind of I'm leading into this. That's why I'm asking this question is is this a reason, is this one of the reasons maybe why you did leave?

From Pastor Life To Real Talk

SPEAKER_01 18:36

And and first and foremost, for the record, how did you even land in the pastor role? Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Yeah, because I have a hard time connecting the two like you and you with the same person.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

Yeah. I mean, I can track construction to flipping houses to even comedy stages. Yeah. I I I'm trying to figure out where the role of pastor came in.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Okay, so I can tell you where I make the connect, and then he can tell you how he got in love. Yeah, because it was so difficult for me to be like you were a pastor, like I cannot get over that for how wild he was. Um, but he ha is a natural-born leader. And when he found something that he can be a leader in, he went 100% into it, right? And so obviously he was a pastor, he led the church. So that's what makes sense to me is that whatever you do, you do amazingly and 100% all of him. That's how I got there.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Yeah, that's a good answer. I agree with that. I received that. Yeah, you do. Yeah, so um, I grew up in a religious home and then in my early teens rebelled. I wanted to smoke marijuana and scam on chicks and surf, basically, and skateboard. And um, the whole how how I got into it was there was an opening at a skateboard shop when I was 15, and I would donate my time there. He'd give me a little money on the side, and he asked me, Do you want to go to this Bible study? And I thought, well, if I go to the Bible study, I'll probably be more in with these guys. I might get more hours. So sure, I'll go. I'm a Christian. And I would go there, and it was like, you know, 50, 80 people around this fire pit and this dyslexic dude who could barely read was teaching the Bible. So it all felt, and then the worship was like, you know, when you're doing that worship thing and you're like, I'm talking to God, I don't care who says otherwise. That feeling that became very intoxicating. Started reading. I literally read the New Testament once a week, all the way through. I'm a bit of an extremist.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Yeah, every morning from 4 a.m. to 6 a.m. We called it our manna munching because in the Bible talked about manna. So I'm like, this is our my buddy. We do it. We call it, I'm like, Did you do your manna munch? He's like, Of course I did my manna munch. So I just said, Well, I'm gonna get into this and went about it and started leading worship. And then they're like, You're kind of good at talking, you know, you want to give this lesson, and I was scared shitless to do it, but I did it anyway. And then one thing led to another, and I always felt this draw to teach and to help. I realized when it's all said and done, no matter what I've done. You know, talk about the real estate thing. We went on and did so much real estate stuff. My favorite part was teaching it so that other people go get the result. No, I didn't know that was the business I was in when she left me.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

So I when we met, he was in real estate teaching it.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yeah, so I didn't realize, oh, hey, guess, guess what? Plot twist, after all of that success, your wife's gonna leave you. And it's gonna spark something in you that is actually when you open your mouth, people are gonna want to listen. No idea that it was happening.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

So do you believe some people do believe this, that literally was all being orchestrated divinely behind the scenes to bring you to this point. So you create this amazing movement. You have this incredible story now to help others with, and to really sink into not just okay relationships, but like wow. Relationships after years and years and years of being together.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

We've even talked about like how I grew up was preparing me for some stuff like this, too. So, like how he grew up and what he was doing, and then what I was doing, and then now we come together the new people of who we are, and then when we break up, it was for us. Getting back together was for us, and to help all these other men and their family and their children and generations, and that's just so fulfilling. So everything we've done is a purpose of why we're here, which feels so good of what we do.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

And when you look at it, there are no mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

No. That was the hardest part for me to accept because when you grow up in a Christian frame and then you deviate from that, I was ostracized by everyone. You know what I mean? I was the pastor that had fallen, and he's he's just lost. And according to them, they were right. But according to me, I was just being found. My mentor goes, When are you gonna grow up? When I was telling him about, hey, I'm this is what I'm doing. When are you gonna grow up? And I said, I don't know. Well, I've done so much work since then, and there's an exercise that I take my clients through now that I had uh a guy take me through. And he literally walked me through from about five years old till now the all the masculine leaders in my life and what they brought out in me and what was meaningful to me at that point in my life. And when you watch the entire arc, it was like, dude, you gained this skill because of that. You gained this skill because of that. You gained all guys when they go, wait, he's had sex with hundreds of the most beautiful women on planet earth, and his wife is awesome and she loves the shit out of him. It's clear you don't have to be around us for more than a minute to be like, hey, these people are like best friends, you know what I mean? And they're going, okay, how did this happen? And it's like, if I didn't go through that entire roundabout path, albeit it was fun as shit. I wouldn't have had any of these skills. So guess what? Because of all these skills, I know how to make a lot of money. I know how to get women to like me. I know how to bot dot dot dot dot dot. Well, guess who ends up on our doorstep? Guys that are in the NFL. Like, I know how to make a lot of money. I got a shit ton of options, but I can't get my wife to actually like me. What's the deal? And they they only trust me. They're like, I only trust you because you got muscles, tattoos, you curse, you're crazy, you don't believe anything anybody else says, and your wife's super fucking hot. That she is. Yeah, so it's like that thing where it's like, well, if I didn't do any of those things, I couldn't be this. And all those guys who don't trust the the leather tassel shoe guys with depleted khakis and the, hey, how are you doing? Most guys look at most therapists and they go, that guy's not fuckable. His uh answer is no longer relevant. Also became a thing for me in the church. If the fruit of the spirit is self-control and every pastor is fat, then you're literally telling me your religion doesn't work. So I can't listen to that.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Amen. Think about it.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

I know. We've become down to the very boil of the thing. Keith, why do you believe this? Well, in black and white, in the real world, this is how it operates. I I've been, uh some people have called me a misogynist. I go, I haven't met a woman that doesn't absolutely enjoy hanging out with me and being around me. So apparently, all you great women out there like misogynists. Because if that's what I am, apparently women like misogynists. Isn't that crazy? It's wild. It's the furthest thing from what I am. I think women are the most awesome things. I don't think I'm better, you're lesser. I think we're teammate. I really want you to carry your end of the furniture when we're moving furniture. And I need to be carrying it in mind too, or else this shit's gonna get hard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Well, and you embody everything. I mean, you just observing you two last night at dinner, it's it's felt. It's not a performance, it's complete and utter, like raw realness, which is what I was saying.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

You could probably see it more in person, actually.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Way more. Yeah. And that's what I love about that. We finally connected in person. I was telling uh Steph prior to you hopping on. I'm like, I am so grateful to finally connect in person because it's 10 times better than what you see online. That is when you know, like, do you know what I mean? Like when someone's real, real, as opposed to just popping on putting a mask on and performance, you two like you walk the talk completely. And it just to see you engage with all the men last night and their wives, like that was powerful. Yeah. They the most, the most present group of people I've ever met in my life.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

That's why when we hold live events with the men, we tell them to come out because it's so different than when you're just watching the podcast. Like to see our energy, our interaction of how we really actually truly work, it's so powerful. And then they're like, oh, I want that in my marriage. So to observe it in person is really important for our guys to

High Integrity Rooms And Blind Spots

SPEAKER_02 27:14

see.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yeah. Oh, okay. Also, we have an exceedingly uh we have a loose frame and come it as you are, but we also have a very tight frame that if we think you're bullshitting, pause. What did you mean by that? And we're gonna go through it. I'll give you an example last night. So we went to the smaller bar after the big place, and uh and we were telling stories, and one guy piped up and it had nothing to do with him, but within 37 seconds, the story was about him. But that was about the seventh or tenth time he'd done it through the weekend. And so when he got done with it, I said, pause. And there was about 10 of us, and they're all guys, and we're all here to learn. If if hey, if you're walking around with a kick me sign on your back and we all let you walk out this door, that's on us. So I said, Hey, I got a question for you. How did what he just said, his favorite part of the event, how did that story become about you in front of everybody? And he goes, uh shit, I guess it was. And I said, That's the seventh time you've done it in the last two days for us. And it's so beneath who we already know you are, like you don't have to do that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 28:27

The way he handled it too was like, he's like, You're right, and I gotta work on that.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

And he goes, and I know he goes, I know where it's coming from.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Like, cool, go process that he's like so that way we don't have to keep rolling our eyes every time you do it. But we but that's how we opt. I don't know that women are like this, but for guys, we're that we're that brutally honest because we're like, you paid a lot of money to be in this group, and if we all see a blind spot and we don't say anything, then we've literally told you the value of this group is not what we sold it to you for. And I'm the same thing. If they see something in me, like, what was that, dude? I'm like, ah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

You just raise the bar in community, like when you really think about it, because I've been in a lot of rooms the past several years and a lot of really you know high investment rooms too. And that is what we pay for. We're paying for a transformation, we're paying for an experience that's going to test us gently in a way, right? Like, not be a dick about it. Yeah, like call it a loving way. That's what I mean. Exactly. Call it out. Let me see the blind spot in a gentle way. And so you can have that aha moment like he did, yeah, where you can go, shh, this is why I invested in this room. This is why I'm I'm I'm going down this path. And so I love hearing that level of integrity that you you know basically commit to. Yeah. Because not a lot of them are. And I think that's what keeps a lot of people away from truly taking that next step and having the courage to invest in those higher level rooms.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Is because, well, one, are they, do they say who they really are? Am I going to really experience a real shift? Because here's the thing that I've noticed, and you tell me your side of it. I believe the price tag ultimately really is irrelevant. It comes down to what you're going to get. If you're going to tell me I can get my ex back, one I'm madly in love with, and it's going to cost me $500,000, I truly believe somebody would find a way. If they knew for a fact that that was going to happen, they'd pay for it. So I don't think it's the price. It's just, can I buy into this as real? Can this really happen for me? Yeah. And why me? Because it hasn't happened for me before. So how do you even going into that

Can You Get Her Back

SPEAKER_01 30:48

direction? How do you guide these men when they do say, you know, I'm really interested. I want to come on board. What does the process look like? And can it really happen for me?

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Well, first and foremost, I try and use some baked-in internal analogies that are undeniable in their life right now that they would be like, wait, it has happened to me before. Because that's usually what happens is they go, it's never happened to me before. But with just two quick questions, they'll realize, oh my God, it's happened to me way more than I've actually ever remembered. So let me give you an example. Guy gets broken up with his uh ex, she leaves, and he's all down in the dumps, right? And that energy, if anybody's ever been broken up, that first energy is like, I'm now fighting for second place in the rest of my life, right? Like the one got away, oh my gosh. Not everybody, I mean, if you're the one saying get lost, you're not feeling that way. But if you were told, hey, shoe, you're feeling, oh my gosh, I'm never gonna find somebody like that. Well, that's not true. That's not true. And the answer is, hey, before you met this girl, did you have those feelings? Yeah, I thought I'd never, but you met one. It was her. And she actually liked you for you until either she, A, she saw you drop your mask. Because what is what happens? Guys are a woman meets a man in the wild and she goes, hmm.

SPEAKER_03 32:11

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Like, and it doesn't get to pick. It's just, hmm. You know what I mean? And so that is not her going, let me see, two plus two equals four. Yeah. Okay, I'll be attracted. No, it's something happens. And it's not always instant because it can be, it can be brain. Goes, you love, you girls love the brains, man. A hard body could walk in here and go, duh du-da. And you're like, oh, lady boater. Lady bait, lady boater. But if a guy comes in here and he's just mid and then he starts talking to your soul, you're like, what is he doing to me right now, right? So it already has happened. So one of the big punchlines I tell the guys is if she already said yes to you, you're her type. You either stopped doing attractive things, like you went from fit to fat. I did that. And then, or you start doing unattractive things, which is so many other things. So it's the combination of both that actually makes the chemical drain. I don't know why I don't care about his text anymore. I don't know why I have I don't have uh butterflies knowing he's coming over. And he's like, Where are the butterflies? And she's like, I don't know, dude. And then what happens? And we watch this all the time. He starts doing the attractive things again for himself, and he stops doing the unattractive things, like, hey bro, you know you should probably shower, maybe clip your nails and brush your teeth, and like, you know, you should like actually be presentable. But when those things do happen, the chemical comes back without her being able to deny it.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

So what if there's in the infidelity or there

Infidelity Repair And Scarcity Mindset

SPEAKER_01 33:50

is, you know, something that's pretty traumatizing and and hurtful? Is there still a way for them to come back together? Do you believe? Have you seen it?

SPEAKER_00 34:00

We we've seen it. Okay. There's a way. It's the long way around the mountain. Right. And it's hard and it's treacherous. It's doable. It's doable. I believe let me say two things. Finances is usually a reason why people are trying to make that thing work again, which in my opinion isn't always the best decision. The other thing is uh shame on either part. Uh shame, like, I can't believe this. And and the the betrayer wants to go and like mend it because they feel so bad. The betrayed, shame. Oh my God, am I gonna go back to somebody who betrayed me? Am I the dumb? Then they go through the God, am I dumb? And what if he does it again? I'm gonna look super stupid. Everyone's gonna run. All my friends are gonna be like, you're such a dummy. Why would you do that? We told you not to do that. You're like, but he was he really was convincing this time ring. So you got all of that dynamic kids, all this stuff. But in my opinion, the core reason why people would is fundamentally bel they don't believe that there are so many other amazing partners, A, who wouldn't do it. That's the punchline. And the bigger punchline is B, they don't believe they're worthy of it. So if you heal their interness worthy wound and you actually go take them on any Southern California beach in the middle of the summer, and you see rockin' hot bods everywhere, and you go, I know there was only one girl in your town that you thought was cute. Welcome to Dana Point, Salt Creek Beach. You're gonna sit here and eat this croissant. We're gonna eat here for an hour, and there's gonna be about 200 girls that you'd be like, oh my God, what's her name? Oh my god, what's her name? And what that will do is he rate erad eradicate this scarcity that there's only this one person out there for you. That and again, that's core spiritual inner work. You don't fix that. You're gonna be chased. I chased hundreds of women looking to fill this void in me that just goes, oh, Keith didn't love himself.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

I also think why women cheat, though, specifically, is because they're obviously not getting what they need from their husband. So the extremely neglectful. Uh he's gained a lot of weight and he stopped investing in himself. Like your relationship is extremely different than what it was or where you thought you were going. So you're missing something. We came up with a bucket theory. So part of your buckets, you know, are like dry empty. And so what when you cheat, you're looking for someone to fill those buckets. So I do think in some cases like that, like when a man really owns up to and says, I'm I'm so sorry, I've been neglecting you, I wasn't here for you, all your needs weren't met, and now they will be. I think that you can repair anything. I agree with that circumstance.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

And that's where we've seen it work. The guy goes, Okay, she cheated, that's on her. But the context upstream, I neglected her, I spent no time with her. I I it fuck her. And so in those situations when the dude owns that he literally just neglected this lady, and it's all here's the thing is it's all in good fun, like meaning I'm out here providing for us. I'm I'm doing all this for you. And because he's away working all the time. And so his answer, she goes, I feel lonely. Lonely. Look at this big house I bought you. What am I supposed to talk to the walls, you idiot? Yeah.

Trust Is Built By Keeping Word

SPEAKER_01 37:24

And I think a big part of it too, say that sex is not a problem. That's you know, ample, right? You're having a lot of sex and you're doing all that. I think a big part of it is the men and women too, but I'm speaking towards the men right now. Do what you say you're gonna do. I think that's a big issue, is that regardless of anything else, how can you trust? Well, number one, trust. And two, it's it's so unsexy. Like, you know, there's zero leadership there. You say you're gonna do something, you miss that due date, you say you're gonna do another thing, miss that due date. All of a sudden you're like, I don't know if I can invest in this any longer. So I think it's sometimes just as subtle as that.

SPEAKER_02 38:02

It is as subtle. All the little things add up where you're like, I cannot trust you. You're not even here on time.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Right.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

So how like how that's not sexy when you keep saying you're gonna do something and then not do it. You're like, I just I don't even trust or respect you anymore. And who wants to get to there in their relationship?

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Yeah. I think when you think of the word trust, you think about you somebody you can lean on. Right. I trust that if I lean on you, you're not gonna step back. I'm gonna be one of those memes on the internet, right? I trust that uh you got my back. So trust, there's so many layers of this trust. And when this is to, in my opinion, the biggest punchline of literally everything we do. Uh, plus, girls just want to have fun. That's the actual second punchline. We all want to trust each other, which means, hey, are we gonna do the show? We're also gonna actually show up and do the show, right? Yeah, I'm not gonna, we're not gonna get here and Chrissy's like, guys, it just gonna work out. Man, fun night, but I think I may have got food poisoned. I'll catch you later. You're like, that could happen, but hopefully it doesn't. There's a trust here. So what happens, what I understand is that when a a woman no longer trusts her man, it's because he's broken his word enough in so many minor fractures, like, hey, I'll be home at five tonight uh after work. And he rolls in at 520 with an excuse. With an excuse, 517, excuse. I can't quite make it over going to the beers with the guys, excuse. And it's it's like, well, you why say it if you actually can't do it? And so what I've discovered is when these guys start to say things, women, you guys test them. Not necessarily consciously or on purpose, but subconsciously, the same way you go, wait a second, people test what they want to trust. So if I'm running through the Amazon and I come across a big ravine and there's this Indiana Jones bridge on it, and it's like a hundred feet to my demise, I'm gonna be like, is this thing gonna hold me? Okay, I'm testing it. Why? So I can trust it. And that's what women are doing because they're like, the guy goes, I'm gonna change for you. I know you want to leave, and I know sex isn't great, and I'm a piece of shit. And so for a week he goes, he's doing dishes, he's doing diapers, he's trying to do the thing. And then he looks up and nothing's changing. And what is it? What's his typical energy? What the fuck am I doing this for, man? Nothing's changing around here. And that's the point. It's not their supposed to change, it's your supposed to change. And so what happens is you'll test him. Well, you'll test the guy, hey, you know, why'd you do that trash? Wow, you know, I wanted you to see it because I want to get lucky, is what his energy says. And she's just like, I can't trust that he's just a good dude and when he sees the trash full, he takes it out. That the change is actually gonna stick and fall. Yeah. So people test what they want to trust. But once you pass the test, which almost no more guy almost no guy does, once you pass the test, you gain her trust. And when the trust goes up, the lust goes up. That's when she goes, You I asked him to hang the picture in the hallway. It was hung that night. Yeah, we moved into a new house and she goes, Hey, can you put the the this? It was probably an hour's worth of work. I'm like, Yeah, yeah, I got it. Two weeks later, she goes, Hey, you know, see that? And I'm like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, babe, babe, got it. Like three weeks later, she's like, not wanting to nag, but And you're like, it'll get done by the end of the week. Not done. And then I realized you would have been fired in an employee relationship a million years ago with that behavior. So it's like, oh, you can't even trust me, which shows I'm not a leader, which means I can't even lead myself. If I can't do what I say I'm gonna do, I you know why Jesse wants to go where I want to go? Because if I say I'm going there, guess what's happening? We're going there. That's what real leadership. I always tell the guys when when it comes to leadership, I go, you know who the leader is? The one in the lead. The one leading. Oh, guess who's number one on the leaderboard? The one with the best score. Like, how have we forgotten this energy? That's that's what I'm talking about. That's how you build this trust again. And a guy goes, I went to this retreat. Oh my God, Keith was amazing. I'm changed. And she's like, we'll see. Yeah. And he's like, What do you mean we'll see? I just promised you you haven't done shit for a year or 20, and now you've gone and seen this psychopath with a white beard and a hot wife and Dana Point, and you're coming back like you're now the Messiah. Let's see if you can even get your fucking dish in the sink. Right. That's the energy. Yeah. Show me the receipts for a while. For a while. Yeah. That's the thing. And if I test you, show me that you're doing it for you. Oh, best example. Uh a guy starts going to the way uh the gym, and the wife's like, Oh, what are you doing? Is there another girl? No, no, I just thought you would be if you would. I read in a book, I heard on a podcast that my wife would like me better if I'm in better shape. And she's like, Oh, yeah, don't do that for me. Because she's already over it. And he's like, Okay. And he stopped going to the gym. And what is she just realized? He wasn't doing it for him. Meaning it's it's not who he is, which means she's the actual leader because she's pulling the strings and she's like, Can I get a man with a backbone and a ball sack around here? And guess what? The men's with backsbone and ball sack, they say shit that's has polarity to it because they don't care. That's why they have a backbone and a ball sack, which, interestingly enough, women tend to go, hmm, what's that?

SPEAKER_01 43:47

Yeah. Well, let's no, you're 100% right. So let's back up real quick because what I just kept thinking about in that moment was that's really the test to see if your man is shifting for himself. Yeah. Or for you. So clear as day, a woman could essentially, just tell me if I'm wrong here, test out the situation by basically seeing if he's gonna sustain the very thing he's trying to shift, right? And if not, then that's her answer basically. Would that be fair enough?

SPEAKER_00 44:18

People lie to themselves so much our society has accepted that lying is the norm. So to actually speak the truth feels offensive. And so most people won't be offensive to themselves to actually speak the truth to themselves. So they'll let these lies perpetuate. That's the upstream version of this. So she'll be like, he said he was gonna do it. I know he didn't do it, admitting he lied. But we all lie. How can I call him out of my lie when I'm literally lying over here and I know it? So this is why we came up with a statement the most powerful man or woman in the room is the one that has nothing to hide, because lies are hide hiding.

Fix The Root Not The Fruit

SPEAKER_00 45:08

So when um you act in this, I'm not gonna lie, I'm just gonna tell the truth, and I can accept it back from you as well. Then when somebody's actions doesn't line up, like no, your actions are louder than your words. I believe you. Why? Because I believe myself. It's a it comes down to trusting yourself. And usually there's a fear that if I push this person away, I'm coming from lack and scarcity. Because there's nobody that can fulfill that, and I'm just so comfortable. This is why it always comes down to the core. Like, yes, we teach guys how to get their wives to want to have sex with them, but guess what? Punchline, they come in, I go, I draw a picture of a tree. Sex is the fruit. If it's shiv shriveled, uh horrible tasting and bad, how many of you guys want to come up here and cut this fruit and and and and and fix it? And they're like, yeah. I'm like, you dummy. The fruit is the fruit because of the fucking root. Do we want to look at the root? Do we want to look at the tree? Do we want to look at the oxygen, the air? Do we want to look at the soil? Do we want to look at anything other than the fruit and complain about the fruit? And that's what's happening is because everybody is a liar. I thought literally the day she FaceTimed me and told me it was over, a friend of mine asked me, How's your marriage? We're at a really high-end mastermind. And uh I go, dude, I think we're doing great.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

Wow. I had to FaceTime him. He was never home.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

I was just gonna ask you that. You didn't do it in person. He just This is it, honey.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Never home. And we'd come home. He just was like absent, doing stuff, not around, talking about himself. I was like, can't, I can't keep doing this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

You literally thought everything was okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

He was fine.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

I see what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

I love the shock on your face. Because it's that obvious, right? But to me it wasn't. Yeah. To me, it wasn't. This is why I have such empathy on men when they're in these situations. They're high performers. They know they here's the thing about the guy that we work with. He knows how to get shit done. But he can't get a woman to like him who doesn't, and that drives him crazy. Especially pinnacle top guy. This is my wife. I thought when I said I do, that was like there was a push button. I say, I hit this push button and she comes running. What do you need, dear? Naked? Oh my God, thanks for asking. I was wondering when you were gonna beckon me forward. And it's like, well, it could be that if you were the guy that she would feel that way about, but let's just take a quick

The Attraction Dials Men Miss

SPEAKER_00 47:50

test. On a scale of one to ten, how great of a parent are you? Oh, I'm a good parent. Well, when's the last time you spent one-on-one time with your kid? And uh, so we rate them on a scale of one to ten. Most guys, parenting, they score pretty high. The next one we go, well, okay, how good of you are a best friend with your wife? She can just talk about anything with you. That's our partner dial. And they're like, uh, I go, you're probably a two, right? They're like, yeah, I fucking suck at that one. How good of a producer are most guys that are good at producers, like, I'm a fucking ten, you know, da-da-da-da-da. I'm like, okay, cool. So you figure that domain out. Like, I crush. All right, awesome. How about the player dial? How fun are you with your wife? Do you guys go on dates anymore? No, she doesn't want to go on a date with me. Do you go on ones with yourself? No, no, no, I'd only do that for her. Oh, you mean you would do it for her because that's what you think she wants, which means you don't do shit for yourself, which means you actually aren't somebody who lives his own life and she realizes you're bending your rail to get her to come onto your train. That's so fucking unattractive. What are you doing? But men don't see this. And then the last one is we call it uh the playful dial. You know, like to quote the great American poet Cindy Lauper, girls just want to have fun. Once a guy understands that and actually works on himself. Like, if if you knew that you would be more presentable in good shape, and yet you're not doing that, then your actions say, I guess being the most attractive version of me isn't really that important to me. Because here's one of the elements. So as you go through these things, you start to realize, well, this person isn't doing anything for themselves. They're literally doing it just to be liked. And that is we we hate that as humans. That energy repels us. Yeah, what are we doing? And then the last one, uh, the last five, the last of the DAOs we ask people is simple, do you do what you say you're gonna do when you say you're gonna do it without fault? And then we have actually four questions in there, which I think you might find interesting. The first one is do you do your personal development to get praised by your spouse? And if she doesn't praise you, do you get butthurt? That shows you where your motivation is for why you're becoming good, right? Uh, the second one is um, do you edit or audit your shine for fear of upsetting her? And here's what usually happens. Maybe a guy's on the, we call it the monthly crumb. He's get he gets one little crumb of affection once a month, right? And it's like, wait, I think I'm gonna get laid in two nights. And she goes, So what do you believe about so-and-so? And he's like, he has a view. He's like, Well, I don't know. And he's starting to see him hard because he doesn't want to piss her off because he doesn't want to miss his opportunity to get the cookie. And so what happens is he edits and audits his shine, and now he's in other people's frames. And she's like, Oh my God, just say what you're I'd rather be mad at your opinion than to realize you don't even have one. So he edits who he actually is, which most people do. They put up masks because I'm I'm afraid that you know the real me. Until you get the real you out and people go, I love the real you, and you go, Yeah, the real you, the real me is kind of fucking cool, huh? If you're willing to be your real you, and then the last question is, do you not initiate sex out of fear of rejection? Or if you're rejected, do you become a pouty little bitch? And I asked these guys, oh, and the last one was, Do you seek permission for things you don't need to seek permission for? Because like if I was like, I I asked dudes, hey, you want to come out to us this dinner? Ah, let me check with the wife, da-da-da-da-da-da. They need permission. And it's just so odd-sounding that here is this guy that was totally self-sufficient, radically, and now he's deferring basic questions for his wife. To us, we're like, well, if you had something planned with her, don't break it. But hey, let's check in. Did I commit to anything this Friday night? No, nothing. I'm going out with the guys. We're gonna go do this fun thing. You know what I mean? Or on the date nights, because guys don't have fun. I go, when's the last time you took your wife on a date? They're like, oh, we went through Chick-fil-A and you know, and got some parts at Home Depot. I'm like, dude, no wonder, Casanova, you're not getting more ass on the toilet seat. Let's go, dude. And it's like, how would you actually plan a date? That if this was a first date, this is how you would approach it. But most guys approach this like this, and it's like, dude, she sees you're not putting any effort into you or to her into us. And she just checked out.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

Well, when you see him put an effort into other things too, you get really resentful for the things that he's trying, you know. You're like, I'm doing this for you. But it's like, well, I resent that because you don't even put that much effort into me. Yeah. So, like, I used to get so mad, like he's like, I'm I'm gonna go to this event, I'm gonna go do that. And I would be like, Well, you're just leaving us first of all, and then you come back, and then you don't do anything, and then just all this spiraling of us not being connected.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

I didn't see it. Chrissy, I didn't see it. Wow, I was bl it was like a frying pan cross the face. Even though she goes, I've been trying to tell you for a year or two. And I we've cut, we found out most women are planning a year or two exit before they go, especially if they're financially uh tied to the guy. And so it's just this big thing, and the guy has no idea. And if he doesn't do what he says he's gonna do when he says he's gonna do it, that's number five, that's our power dial. If you don't do that, she will never trust you. So everything just, and dude, we live by this code so high. Like if I'm late, hey, I'm running late. Like I it has I we have to, you gotta know. Like be in the know. This is you're you're present even before you're there. Because everybody's energy is there. So it's this presence that that you're you're communicating who you are. Not like a I'm a I'm a in trouble little boy, but I'm, hey, as a leader, I want to communicate to you I'm late.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Well, because you are that man, having all that grace on you is just so easy. You're like, oh, no problem.

SPEAKER_00 53:47

Yeah. You develop if a man does what he says he's gonna do, what he's gonna do without fault. Like that's his code, honor, everything cannot break that. You get to a point where I'm eating in my favorite taco shop the other day, and Jesse goes, Hey, do you mind bringing the lamb chop home? Me and Jovi are starving. I'm like, no problem, absolutely. What's left to each other? Like, I always say it'd be my honor, it'd be my pleasure, you know what I mean? It would be my pleasure, you know what I mean? And I'm I'm back on my phone doing something else, closing out. I get home. I didn't even order the food. And I get home there leaving. We're like so excited to be. They're in bed watching some show, like, dad at home, food's here, he's our hero, and I walk and I go, hey ladies, and they're looking like this. Where's the food? And I'm like, oh shit. Oh shit. And they literally like this, they're like, no problem. I go, you guys want, I'll go back, I'll get you like no order something. There was no electricity because they're like we started laughing, actually. Like, what? They're like, of all people, like you are bank. Like, if you say that Dr. Pepper will be on the third shelf and it will be only three-quarters drinking, it'll be right here. Guess where it's gonna be? Right there. But in that moment, that's when they can go, but he his reputation is so impeccable that when he's human, we all get to laugh at you're human. It's like, I know.

SPEAKER_01 55:14

I love that. That is such a great story that I'm gonna take with me too, because it's like it's building up those, it's stacking, right? It's stacking the reps of trust, of understanding that you will follow through your persons that you were gonna do. And in those moments, because we're all human and we're, you know, it's just how it is, where you can give people grace and laugh at it. I mean, kudos to you too for not being, you know, like, fuck you, where's my lamp? For doing the work. Yeah, you know, well, it does take two. So I want to wrap it up here to where, so you guys don't miss your flight.

Takeaways Plus A Clear Ask

SPEAKER_01 55:48

What would be a really good takeaway that you can give somebody right now that is going through a shitty season in their relationship and they want to bounce back? Like they really, really do. Like, what are those first few steps that they can take to helping them navigate that chapter?

SPEAKER_00 56:06

Well, we normally talk to dudes, like so we we just work with dudes.

SPEAKER_01 56:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:10

Uh, although we have a tremendous amount of wives that reach out to us in the DMs, we're like, my husband needs this. How do I tell him? I'm like, here's the episode, send this and say, What do you think? And for any late ladies listening to this, and like, my husband needs to hear this, he's doing all these things that this juice back is saying that men do. It's simple this. Send him this episode and go, what do you think about all this? Rather than you need to listen to this, and you're a jerk off, and you know, I'm in 18 months in my business. This is what I'm talking about. Like anything. Listen to this, you do kid? That's not gonna work. It's what do you think about this? What's your opinion about your opinion about what these guys are saying? That has been the most gold line. Now, if I'm talking to dudes that are listening to this, the the the step one is you have to realize happy women don't leave.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

Whew.

SPEAKER_00 57:06

You were looking for something.

SPEAKER_01 57:11

I am so grateful you brought that up because one of my questions was was do you believe the demise of most marriages are because of the man?

SPEAKER_00 57:19

95% of all marriage problems are because of the man. And once he has uh rectified those 95% and he realizes, oh, actually it is her problem, then it is a hundred percent his fault if he stays in that relationship. Wow. Which gives him all the power, the same way it gives a woman all the power to say, this is your life, you get to do it the way you want to do it. You have authority, and the root word of authority is author. Nobody gets to tell you what to write, you write how you want. So once a man understands, wait a second, this lady's a mirror of me. My wife's a D minus wife. Cool, that's probably putting you in a D minus husband. Why don't you become the A plus version of you? And let's give her some time to reflect that back. If she doesn't reflect that back, or you actually can, we have a metric to everything, so you know whether you're an A plus husband. If you get to A plus husband, give her some time for the PTSD of you being a douchebag for as long as you have. Once that's the case and she goes, I don't like this new version of you, I'll fly out, dude, and we'll fucking sign the divorce papers together and be like, yo, we're good. You did it, you tried, and let's move on and go get you. Because that's the big punchline I tell every single guy. If you want a hot, horny, healthy, sexy, lust-filled, desire-filled marriage, it is on you to create the container for that so your wife can step into and go, This is a much better world than the one I've created myself. I would love to be in here with you. That's the reality.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

So good. Oh my gosh, you two. I adore you so much. We love you. Oh my gosh, this is my favorite episode thus far. Can we please continue this in Cali? Can we hang out more too? Please. I mean, you're look- you're an hour flight away.

SPEAKER_00 59:15

It's like not just said this morning. It's only an hour away. Now that I've felt this, yeah. We I I want to, I want to um somehow, if you accept, we go, okay, we're putting two hours on the clock and getting into the deep and the deck, because there was so many, I because I know the time frame. I want to be like, all right, Chrissy, how has this happened in your life? And then we could get your story.

SPEAKER_02 59:37

So you can come on ours and we'll ask you. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

But we have to set two hours. I I need there's so much breathing in here.

SPEAKER_01 59:44

I agree. There was there were several layers.

SPEAKER_00 59:46

This is on us for being so. No, no, no.

Plant Medicine Tease And Closing

SPEAKER_01 59:48

There were so many layers I wanted to touch on. Obviously, the plant medicine ceremony experience and how that helped or that impacted your marriage. I definitely want to time, you know, this is to be continued. So I'm giving you the next layer. I want to go through that for sure because we've spoken so you know deeply about that.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:06

Um, and then also We got on a Zoom call for like an hour and broke down our five MEO experiences because it was so like when you meet somebody that has it and they say a word, you're like, How'd you know that word? You're like, yeah I did the duh, I did, oh, oh my God, we have to call. I'm glad you talked to her about it because I won't do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:23

Yeah. I've had, I'm done with it, but I had my experience and I'm grateful for it. Yeah. It opened up a lot of um interesting things I was working through.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:31

For sure. But I remember when we did have that Zoom call. You're like, oh my God, what did you think? Yeah. It was so good.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:38

You're having such like I was like, because you you're a different human after that happens. Yeah. And you know what I mean? For a while. She goes, How long is it gonna rub off? About 30 days.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:48

It did. I would say about about a month. And then, and I'm still, I still look at it with a sense of, was it really real? Was the messages that came through, was that just fantasy? So to be continued, because I've I've worked through a lot of that the last several months in my own life to um unpack a lot of it from years ago. Because now I'm wondering, was it just smoke and mirrors?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

Uh huh. To be continued. We're definitely talking about that one in the main game. Yes, that would be epic.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:18

Uh thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:20

Many more hours of this, especially on camera, because the the energy here is you're bringing up some stuff, and I'm like, oh, we could have talked about that, that, that. And I think you would be such a fun person to dive into that stuff with. Let's do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:32

All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:33

Thanks for having us, man. Thank you for coming in.